I completely resonate with Tyler's response, when I connect with someone on the internet be it a writer, artist, vlogger, strange new friend - I tend to want to know and connect with them as much as I can. It's extremely important to me to feel seen and oftentimes I feel like I'm giving someone else the gift of being seen by paying attention, following along, and learning. So I really enjoy both styles of your sharing and allowing us a fuller glimpse into your life.
My therapist has asked me to list things I like about myself as well and resonate hard with the struggle to find things that don't activate my "You're taking up too much space! You're being a brag! Be quiet!" alarm bells. I will do my best with just one and make an effort to think about more in the future.
1. I pay attention to people I love.
I keep lists on my phone where I secretly write down every "oh I love that!" in passing in stores, favorite colors, food, smells, flowers, music, shows, etc so that when it's time to give a gift I can show them someone listened. I have lists for each loved one where I write down memorable quotes that are hilarious out of context and when I pull the lists out at parties we all have a laugh at each one's unique traits and humor. Once I spent an entire year documenting a few moments each month my partner did something that made me feel loved or went out of his way to do something and wrote them in a little book for Christmas. I take a million candids, I keep receipts/ticket stubs/wine corks and write down memorable dates so we can look back at the memories we made together. I write reminders in my calendar to follow up with loved ones' struggles. I often struggle deeply in that nobody does this for me in return, but what is love if you perform it with expectation? And I love by paying attention.
Wow, Erika. This gave me chills. It's all so beautiful. I would call myself thoughtful, and I love giving gifts, but this all so beyond anything I've ever done. Mostly, I just send handwritten cards or letters at random times, when someone least expects it. These days, I can never remember what to get someone for Christmas. Everything just falls out of my brain so I am going to take a tip from you and start to keep lists in my phone. My favorite thing is what you shared about spending an entire year documenting the things your partner did for you. That's so special. I'm going to attempt to do this next year for Perry. If this was before, like Pre-Pressley, I'd have a very large book, but now we put all of our focus and extra attention into our son and we both kind of get forgotten about. But this is going to help me notice and savor the little things when they DO happen. I imagine there's a lot more than I even realize. And maybe it will inspire me to do more for him as well. Thank you so much for sharing, Erika. All of this is truly life-changing and is going to help me be a better friend to everyone in my life. I hope you can come up with at least four more things. I bet they're equally as wonderful. xo
This is beautiful. You've inspired me and I want to start doing this :) I have a big memory box where I keep anything sentimental (basically EVERYTHING for me, haha) but the documentation and writing the memories / dates down is such an amazing way to remember how blessed you are and go back to those "little things" that make life worth living. Those little things really aren't little at all - not in the slightest. I think they're everything.
Right? I'm so inspired! I used to be so much better at all of this, but like Erika mentioned, no one did the same for me. At a certain point, I just stopped trying so hard. But really, at the end of everything, this is about how I show love, and I don't want to rob myself of that.
Exactly! I've always felt a bit unreciprocated in that aspect of life, but everyone gives and receives love in different ways. I've stopped letting it bring me down and instead have honored that fact. If it makes me feel good, that's all that matters. As long as it isn't crossing a personal boundary (insert "protect your energy" here), give without expectation of getting something in return :)
I love both the bloggy-style and your prose. I think as readers, if I'm not alone, we love your writing, but with that comes a want or desire to know more about you as a person - it's just an authenticity thing to me. The fake "influencing" and highlight reel days are over; we want something real. At least I do. Something to relate to, something that doesn't make us feel bad about ourselves like social media inevitably does. The never ending comparison. To be honest, when you were roaming around the world, posting gorgeous (and tastefully sexy) photos of you that Perry took, it looked like a dream and I wanted that dream. There was a time when I asked my partner "can you start taking photos of me like that? Without me even asking?" I was so inspired by you, too inspired, that I lost some self-worth myself. I even unfollowed you for a little while. That was years ago, and therapy among many, many other things have changed - I have changed - since then and thoughts like that no longer haunt me as they used to. I hope none of that made you feel negatively, because I don't mean it that way, not even close. And your life still looks like a dream, but mine now does too. I've gone off topic from your actual entry (maybe I could write a book on "The Diary of an Oversharer"), but all that to say, I feel a very positive connection to what you share as well as a healthy sort of inspiration. I'm thankful that you share what you do, whatever it may be.
I only "know" you from what I've seen and read, and from what I "know," I agree wholeheartedly with the qualities you shared about yourself. And you're right, yikes. It is incredibly hard to do. So I'll take the challenge today, too.
1. Although I don't feel like I am the woman I want and strive to be, I know I am well on my way to her. It has taken so much work to get to where I am, and it will take more work to move onward and upward, but I am fully dedicated to becoming her and meeting her. I'm proud of that.
2. I wear my heart on my sleeve. If I am feeling any type of way, anyone / everyone around me can see it. I can't hide my emotions. I overshare. I don't do small talk well; I go deep, fast. It might make some people uncomfortable. Some people may see this quality in a negative light or think I am "too much," but it is a positive to me. I am in touch with myself and I have an unbound relationship with my intuition, and that brings me so much comfort. I'm lucky to have many wonderful and close relationships, but in the end, all we really have is ourselves, right? That voice inside our head. And she's my best friend.
3. I have goals. They scare the shit out of me, I can barely speak them aloud or write them down, because that makes them real and in turn makes them something that I could possibly fail at. I could possibly disappoint myself. But I still have them. One of which is to become a writer (or as my therapist says, own the fact that you ARE a writer - I guess that is another goal in and of itself). But this specific goal is to have my own words bound by a front and back cover. I may not be great at it, I may not use the correct punctuation in the correct places, I may have to use a thesaurus or spellcheck (spell-check, spell check?) often, but that's okay. The goal is there nonetheless.
4. I am fiercely loyal to & protective of those I love. If someone close to my heart is wronged or even slighted, a fire burns in my chest. Almost revenge-like, but I don't do revenge or lash out or cause a scene. All I can do is offer support, encouragement, compassion, and the best advice I can muster up. It still feels helpless, but I am there. I'm loyal. Like the stereotypical Scorpio nature, I forgive but I do not forget. Is that a bad quality? Maybe. But I like (love) that about myself, and that is the only ask here ;)
5. Taking one of yours, I have an immense amount of gratitude for everything in my life - every aspect. I notice the little things probably more than the big things. I romanticize everything. The mix of all of that makes life SO worth living. Many days are hard, shitty, beyond frustrating, etc etc etc. But the beauty of those days and life in general is that the little things are always there. I recognize them with all of my senses - sometimes naturally, sometimes forcefully, but I see them. I hold this quality so close to my heart, because I know I couldn't / wouldn't survive without it.
That was really awkward, haha. Still - thank you for allowing me to start my day off with an open heart and some uncomfortably comfortable vulnerability.
Thank you for sharing, love. I appreciate you being open about how my Instagram/life used to make you feel. Of course that was never my intention. I feel like I did share the not-so-glamorous parts of our life back then, but nothing could really crush the desire Perry had (has?) for me haha. But clearly, our photography subject has shifted to our beautiful boy. I love my life so much more now because it has so much more stability and joy, but I'd be lying if I didn't miss the freedom we used to have and man, I miss traveling soooooo much. I'm so glad to hear that therapy has helped you. It's been such a gift to me as well.
Thank you for diving in and taking the time to name five things you like about yourself. I love this all so much. How did it feel to do it? I hope it reminded you of all the good you have in you, the good that you share and spread to others. I love that one of the things you love is that you wear your heart on your sleeve. I feel like most of the time people are trying to hide their true feeling so it's so refreshing to hear that you're open to all of your emotions and you don't hold back in sharing them. I can definitely hold back if I feel like it makes me look weak but I'm working on it. I will say that in terms of small talk though, I can agree with you. I go deep, fast. And I think that's why I don't have a ton of friends because I don't take the time to do the whole small talk thing and not everyone can just dive right into the nitty gritty ya know?
Your therapist is right! You ARE a writer. That was one of the first shifts I had to make for myself. Have you read The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron? I can't remember if we've spoken about this before, but that book truly helped me step into my own as a writer. Your number five will aide you in your journey as a writer. Notice everything, soak it up, and let it flow back out onto the page. If you ever want to share some of your work, I'd love to read it!
Thanks again for sharing, love. I really do appreciate your connection and community here. I always look forward to reading your comments <3
I completely resonate with Tyler's response, when I connect with someone on the internet be it a writer, artist, vlogger, strange new friend - I tend to want to know and connect with them as much as I can. It's extremely important to me to feel seen and oftentimes I feel like I'm giving someone else the gift of being seen by paying attention, following along, and learning. So I really enjoy both styles of your sharing and allowing us a fuller glimpse into your life.
My therapist has asked me to list things I like about myself as well and resonate hard with the struggle to find things that don't activate my "You're taking up too much space! You're being a brag! Be quiet!" alarm bells. I will do my best with just one and make an effort to think about more in the future.
1. I pay attention to people I love.
I keep lists on my phone where I secretly write down every "oh I love that!" in passing in stores, favorite colors, food, smells, flowers, music, shows, etc so that when it's time to give a gift I can show them someone listened. I have lists for each loved one where I write down memorable quotes that are hilarious out of context and when I pull the lists out at parties we all have a laugh at each one's unique traits and humor. Once I spent an entire year documenting a few moments each month my partner did something that made me feel loved or went out of his way to do something and wrote them in a little book for Christmas. I take a million candids, I keep receipts/ticket stubs/wine corks and write down memorable dates so we can look back at the memories we made together. I write reminders in my calendar to follow up with loved ones' struggles. I often struggle deeply in that nobody does this for me in return, but what is love if you perform it with expectation? And I love by paying attention.
Wow, Erika. This gave me chills. It's all so beautiful. I would call myself thoughtful, and I love giving gifts, but this all so beyond anything I've ever done. Mostly, I just send handwritten cards or letters at random times, when someone least expects it. These days, I can never remember what to get someone for Christmas. Everything just falls out of my brain so I am going to take a tip from you and start to keep lists in my phone. My favorite thing is what you shared about spending an entire year documenting the things your partner did for you. That's so special. I'm going to attempt to do this next year for Perry. If this was before, like Pre-Pressley, I'd have a very large book, but now we put all of our focus and extra attention into our son and we both kind of get forgotten about. But this is going to help me notice and savor the little things when they DO happen. I imagine there's a lot more than I even realize. And maybe it will inspire me to do more for him as well. Thank you so much for sharing, Erika. All of this is truly life-changing and is going to help me be a better friend to everyone in my life. I hope you can come up with at least four more things. I bet they're equally as wonderful. xo
This is beautiful. You've inspired me and I want to start doing this :) I have a big memory box where I keep anything sentimental (basically EVERYTHING for me, haha) but the documentation and writing the memories / dates down is such an amazing way to remember how blessed you are and go back to those "little things" that make life worth living. Those little things really aren't little at all - not in the slightest. I think they're everything.
Right? I'm so inspired! I used to be so much better at all of this, but like Erika mentioned, no one did the same for me. At a certain point, I just stopped trying so hard. But really, at the end of everything, this is about how I show love, and I don't want to rob myself of that.
Exactly! I've always felt a bit unreciprocated in that aspect of life, but everyone gives and receives love in different ways. I've stopped letting it bring me down and instead have honored that fact. If it makes me feel good, that's all that matters. As long as it isn't crossing a personal boundary (insert "protect your energy" here), give without expectation of getting something in return :)
I love both the bloggy-style and your prose. I think as readers, if I'm not alone, we love your writing, but with that comes a want or desire to know more about you as a person - it's just an authenticity thing to me. The fake "influencing" and highlight reel days are over; we want something real. At least I do. Something to relate to, something that doesn't make us feel bad about ourselves like social media inevitably does. The never ending comparison. To be honest, when you were roaming around the world, posting gorgeous (and tastefully sexy) photos of you that Perry took, it looked like a dream and I wanted that dream. There was a time when I asked my partner "can you start taking photos of me like that? Without me even asking?" I was so inspired by you, too inspired, that I lost some self-worth myself. I even unfollowed you for a little while. That was years ago, and therapy among many, many other things have changed - I have changed - since then and thoughts like that no longer haunt me as they used to. I hope none of that made you feel negatively, because I don't mean it that way, not even close. And your life still looks like a dream, but mine now does too. I've gone off topic from your actual entry (maybe I could write a book on "The Diary of an Oversharer"), but all that to say, I feel a very positive connection to what you share as well as a healthy sort of inspiration. I'm thankful that you share what you do, whatever it may be.
I only "know" you from what I've seen and read, and from what I "know," I agree wholeheartedly with the qualities you shared about yourself. And you're right, yikes. It is incredibly hard to do. So I'll take the challenge today, too.
1. Although I don't feel like I am the woman I want and strive to be, I know I am well on my way to her. It has taken so much work to get to where I am, and it will take more work to move onward and upward, but I am fully dedicated to becoming her and meeting her. I'm proud of that.
2. I wear my heart on my sleeve. If I am feeling any type of way, anyone / everyone around me can see it. I can't hide my emotions. I overshare. I don't do small talk well; I go deep, fast. It might make some people uncomfortable. Some people may see this quality in a negative light or think I am "too much," but it is a positive to me. I am in touch with myself and I have an unbound relationship with my intuition, and that brings me so much comfort. I'm lucky to have many wonderful and close relationships, but in the end, all we really have is ourselves, right? That voice inside our head. And she's my best friend.
3. I have goals. They scare the shit out of me, I can barely speak them aloud or write them down, because that makes them real and in turn makes them something that I could possibly fail at. I could possibly disappoint myself. But I still have them. One of which is to become a writer (or as my therapist says, own the fact that you ARE a writer - I guess that is another goal in and of itself). But this specific goal is to have my own words bound by a front and back cover. I may not be great at it, I may not use the correct punctuation in the correct places, I may have to use a thesaurus or spellcheck (spell-check, spell check?) often, but that's okay. The goal is there nonetheless.
4. I am fiercely loyal to & protective of those I love. If someone close to my heart is wronged or even slighted, a fire burns in my chest. Almost revenge-like, but I don't do revenge or lash out or cause a scene. All I can do is offer support, encouragement, compassion, and the best advice I can muster up. It still feels helpless, but I am there. I'm loyal. Like the stereotypical Scorpio nature, I forgive but I do not forget. Is that a bad quality? Maybe. But I like (love) that about myself, and that is the only ask here ;)
5. Taking one of yours, I have an immense amount of gratitude for everything in my life - every aspect. I notice the little things probably more than the big things. I romanticize everything. The mix of all of that makes life SO worth living. Many days are hard, shitty, beyond frustrating, etc etc etc. But the beauty of those days and life in general is that the little things are always there. I recognize them with all of my senses - sometimes naturally, sometimes forcefully, but I see them. I hold this quality so close to my heart, because I know I couldn't / wouldn't survive without it.
That was really awkward, haha. Still - thank you for allowing me to start my day off with an open heart and some uncomfortably comfortable vulnerability.
Thank you for sharing, love. I appreciate you being open about how my Instagram/life used to make you feel. Of course that was never my intention. I feel like I did share the not-so-glamorous parts of our life back then, but nothing could really crush the desire Perry had (has?) for me haha. But clearly, our photography subject has shifted to our beautiful boy. I love my life so much more now because it has so much more stability and joy, but I'd be lying if I didn't miss the freedom we used to have and man, I miss traveling soooooo much. I'm so glad to hear that therapy has helped you. It's been such a gift to me as well.
Thank you for diving in and taking the time to name five things you like about yourself. I love this all so much. How did it feel to do it? I hope it reminded you of all the good you have in you, the good that you share and spread to others. I love that one of the things you love is that you wear your heart on your sleeve. I feel like most of the time people are trying to hide their true feeling so it's so refreshing to hear that you're open to all of your emotions and you don't hold back in sharing them. I can definitely hold back if I feel like it makes me look weak but I'm working on it. I will say that in terms of small talk though, I can agree with you. I go deep, fast. And I think that's why I don't have a ton of friends because I don't take the time to do the whole small talk thing and not everyone can just dive right into the nitty gritty ya know?
Your therapist is right! You ARE a writer. That was one of the first shifts I had to make for myself. Have you read The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron? I can't remember if we've spoken about this before, but that book truly helped me step into my own as a writer. Your number five will aide you in your journey as a writer. Notice everything, soak it up, and let it flow back out onto the page. If you ever want to share some of your work, I'd love to read it!
Thanks again for sharing, love. I really do appreciate your connection and community here. I always look forward to reading your comments <3