Sooo many thoughts...and I’m right with you there in those “I thought this would help that...I thought that would make this easier or better or safer etc.” That feeling of ease and being carefree and joyful and purposeful in the majority of everyday life is something I’ve never had as an adult--I started having more serious health problems right before I graduated college, and then went into a slew of housing issues, health issues, and financial issues that has fluctuated but never really let up in a way that feels like “yes, okay, I can take a breath now.” I’ve never felt like I’ve even been able to arrive at that state, much less figure out how to reclaim it. Adult life really is so much more chaotic and difficult layers of responsibility than anything prepares you for. Continuing to lean on and enjoy the people I care for and try to find the small moments of joy and comfort and purpose is what keeps me putting one foot in front of the other, even if I am going agonizingly slowly. Some of those weights you’re bearing now will shift, even if it doesn’t feel like they will. And your capacity to hold them can shift too. It won’t be like this forever--even though our brains like to think it will (or that it will only get worse). May tiny pockets of joy continue to appear in front of you as you go through each day 🤗 love you friend
Ooooh responsibility... it’s what sent me into a puddle of anxiety three days postpartum with my first daughter. It’s still very much a heavy weight but I’ve got more tolerant of it... some of the time. I often think how I seem to be so much less capable of bearing it than others, but maybe that’s just perspective. It’s crushing at times. I don’t think we can go back but I think we can find resilience to it, and a capacity to hold it better. But it’s A LOT. Thank you for writing about it.
I’ve thought about burning everything to the ground in my business, my relationship even, my home and starting fresh but I don’t think that would solve it. The weight would still be there.
Hope your little one is getting better, and that you get a chance to rest and recover. Xxx
Ooof, this one, my goodness this one. Lately I've been feeling so overwhelmed and bogged down by what it is just to survive the way the world is now. SO much of our time, focus, energy, and love, just gets whittled away by the demands of keeping up. Thank you for this raw bit of honesty.
Sooo many thoughts...and I’m right with you there in those “I thought this would help that...I thought that would make this easier or better or safer etc.” That feeling of ease and being carefree and joyful and purposeful in the majority of everyday life is something I’ve never had as an adult--I started having more serious health problems right before I graduated college, and then went into a slew of housing issues, health issues, and financial issues that has fluctuated but never really let up in a way that feels like “yes, okay, I can take a breath now.” I’ve never felt like I’ve even been able to arrive at that state, much less figure out how to reclaim it. Adult life really is so much more chaotic and difficult layers of responsibility than anything prepares you for. Continuing to lean on and enjoy the people I care for and try to find the small moments of joy and comfort and purpose is what keeps me putting one foot in front of the other, even if I am going agonizingly slowly. Some of those weights you’re bearing now will shift, even if it doesn’t feel like they will. And your capacity to hold them can shift too. It won’t be like this forever--even though our brains like to think it will (or that it will only get worse). May tiny pockets of joy continue to appear in front of you as you go through each day 🤗 love you friend
Ooooh responsibility... it’s what sent me into a puddle of anxiety three days postpartum with my first daughter. It’s still very much a heavy weight but I’ve got more tolerant of it... some of the time. I often think how I seem to be so much less capable of bearing it than others, but maybe that’s just perspective. It’s crushing at times. I don’t think we can go back but I think we can find resilience to it, and a capacity to hold it better. But it’s A LOT. Thank you for writing about it.
I’ve thought about burning everything to the ground in my business, my relationship even, my home and starting fresh but I don’t think that would solve it. The weight would still be there.
Hope your little one is getting better, and that you get a chance to rest and recover. Xxx
Ooof, this one, my goodness this one. Lately I've been feeling so overwhelmed and bogged down by what it is just to survive the way the world is now. SO much of our time, focus, energy, and love, just gets whittled away by the demands of keeping up. Thank you for this raw bit of honesty.