Cheers to this - even better when you have three because then each of the kids has someone to complain to each other about! My mom had me when she was 45- sometimes I feel grief of knowing that all my friends will maybe have their moms around for longer than I do, that she might not be able to meet her grandchildren, but nothing is certain in this life so I’m just enjoying every moment together
Jessy, when I look at your photos, all I see is a radiant, vibrant, YOUNG couple. As you contemplate whether or not to invite another little one in, my advice is to take some time to connect with your future old-woman self, as she approaches her transition out of this world. Connect with both versions of her: the version who said yes, who - in spite of her niggling fears at 39 - took the leap, opened up the portal and allowed that life through. Does she regret anything about that experience? The unique relationship she has with that second child? The sibling she gave to her son? The (possible) cousins and grandchildren that followed?….. Then connect with the one who kept that door closed - what does she say? Maybe she is at peace, maybe in a certain sense there was “more” to give to your son, more trips to Europe, perhaps? But, if she were to do it all again, is there any part of her that might choose to meet and raise one more beloved child, in this one precious lifetime? To experience that richness? There is no one right answer for everyone, and only you know. Though it sounds, perhaps, like your heart already does. Blessings on your journey, Mama.
This is all so powerful, Kacey. Thank you. I do feel young for the most part other than how tired I am most of the time. But I'm 110% kind of person so yeah, that checks out with or without two children. Your advice on connecting with two future selves is truly so special. I'm actually going to record it into my voice memos and do it as a meditation to see what comes up, so thank you so much for taking the time to write it all out like this. I love your way of seeing this. Grateful to be connected with you here.
I’m so happy you found it helpful, and putting it into a meditation sounds like a perfect way to find clarity. May you receive everything that is meant for you with open arms, and I hope to read more of your beautifully written articles along the unfolding of it all. Very grateful to have connected with you here, too.
Here’s to jam jars and pineapples! Also had a kid one month before turning 40, was not the oldest mom in Lamaze breathing class, and later met a number of other women - especially 2nd time moms - who had kids up to age 50+! So assuming you don’t undergo early-ish menopause, you may have more time than you think. We were also conflicted about having a second baby and let life take its course…then at some point, we had to make a conscious health choice - knowing it meant that door would definitively close - and we understood that was the answer to our prayers.
Thank you for sharing this, Jessica. Ugh, 50! I love hearing that. I don't know why we're made to feel old when we're so young. I'm still conflicted outside of age, but this makes me feel less rushed. Appreciate you being here and taking the time to read my pieces.
Speechless while the poems, the stories rest in my mind, body particularly my heart. Grateful to be able to hear your voice. Makes the experience more intimate and reverent. I need to listen again.
Aw, thank you, Michele! I record it in one take, so it's definitely not perfect, but I do love the idea of readers being able to hear me read it. There's so much power transferred through voice. Thanks for reading (listening), love. This one was a long one.
The 28-year-old daughter I had when I was 40 is visiting me right now. She lives in Egypt and she is an incredible beam of light in my life. I am so glad I had her as an older mother. And my son is grateful unfortunate. I brought him a sibling. You are not too old to have another child if it is your choice.
I love this, Laura. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. It really is expanding my realm of what feels possible. I'm forever inspired by you and your writing and all that you put out in the world, and here I am again, inspired.
Feel you, Jessy! 1)Mh son turned 10 recently and I’m mourning big time. His babyhood is long gone and he’s full tween model, smart and a smart-ass. 2) You are not too old to have another baby, had my one and only at 44, they call it a geriatric pregnancy, but I was healthier than the average 30 yr old. Have a great time in MI !
Ommmgg, 10! I am so not ready. We're up in MI now, and my brother's oldest daughter is now 6, and that is just wild because I still picture her as a tiny baby. Thanks for sharing a bit of your story with me. It's so helpful for me to hear positive stories like this! I think they even called my pregnancy a geriatric pregnancy, and I was only 35! Like can we just not with that term? Other than feeling pretty tired, I feel really healthy. Probably the healthiest I've ever been.
This was absolutely beautiful, Jessy. I feel so fortunate to have had an experience of your beautiful thoughts and life here.
It was hard for me to listen to and I cried at one point because my life feels so incredibly opposite of this—the trauma, the flashbacks, the pain is almost all consuming. And do not for one second feel bad writing this beautiful post from the honesty of your life.
This was the third instance where I feel like the universe or God is trying to show me how bad my nervous system is right now and how things aren’t okay. A warning sign. I’ve had my head down trying to survive for so long—I forgot what life could look like outside the dark depths at the bottom of the ocean that I’m in.
Thank you. Thank you. For that reminder. Of hope. Of where life could be. What a gift. And what a powerful message. ❤️🩹
I decided to have a second child so the first one had someone to share complaints about me.
This made me laugh. Totally valid.
Cheers to this - even better when you have three because then each of the kids has someone to complain to each other about! My mom had me when she was 45- sometimes I feel grief of knowing that all my friends will maybe have their moms around for longer than I do, that she might not be able to meet her grandchildren, but nothing is certain in this life so I’m just enjoying every moment together
🙏💛
This was a love letter to love itself, and God Damn it if I don't love you even though I've never met you 🧡
Thank you! It was a lovely way to spend a long road trip.
I bet! Road trips always make me feel so sentimental
Jessy, when I look at your photos, all I see is a radiant, vibrant, YOUNG couple. As you contemplate whether or not to invite another little one in, my advice is to take some time to connect with your future old-woman self, as she approaches her transition out of this world. Connect with both versions of her: the version who said yes, who - in spite of her niggling fears at 39 - took the leap, opened up the portal and allowed that life through. Does she regret anything about that experience? The unique relationship she has with that second child? The sibling she gave to her son? The (possible) cousins and grandchildren that followed?….. Then connect with the one who kept that door closed - what does she say? Maybe she is at peace, maybe in a certain sense there was “more” to give to your son, more trips to Europe, perhaps? But, if she were to do it all again, is there any part of her that might choose to meet and raise one more beloved child, in this one precious lifetime? To experience that richness? There is no one right answer for everyone, and only you know. Though it sounds, perhaps, like your heart already does. Blessings on your journey, Mama.
This is all so powerful, Kacey. Thank you. I do feel young for the most part other than how tired I am most of the time. But I'm 110% kind of person so yeah, that checks out with or without two children. Your advice on connecting with two future selves is truly so special. I'm actually going to record it into my voice memos and do it as a meditation to see what comes up, so thank you so much for taking the time to write it all out like this. I love your way of seeing this. Grateful to be connected with you here.
I’m so happy you found it helpful, and putting it into a meditation sounds like a perfect way to find clarity. May you receive everything that is meant for you with open arms, and I hope to read more of your beautifully written articles along the unfolding of it all. Very grateful to have connected with you here, too.
Here’s to jam jars and pineapples! Also had a kid one month before turning 40, was not the oldest mom in Lamaze breathing class, and later met a number of other women - especially 2nd time moms - who had kids up to age 50+! So assuming you don’t undergo early-ish menopause, you may have more time than you think. We were also conflicted about having a second baby and let life take its course…then at some point, we had to make a conscious health choice - knowing it meant that door would definitively close - and we understood that was the answer to our prayers.
Thank you for sharing this, Jessica. Ugh, 50! I love hearing that. I don't know why we're made to feel old when we're so young. I'm still conflicted outside of age, but this makes me feel less rushed. Appreciate you being here and taking the time to read my pieces.
Speechless while the poems, the stories rest in my mind, body particularly my heart. Grateful to be able to hear your voice. Makes the experience more intimate and reverent. I need to listen again.
Aw, thank you, Michele! I record it in one take, so it's definitely not perfect, but I do love the idea of readers being able to hear me read it. There's so much power transferred through voice. Thanks for reading (listening), love. This one was a long one.
The 28-year-old daughter I had when I was 40 is visiting me right now. She lives in Egypt and she is an incredible beam of light in my life. I am so glad I had her as an older mother. And my son is grateful unfortunate. I brought him a sibling. You are not too old to have another child if it is your choice.
I love this, Laura. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. It really is expanding my realm of what feels possible. I'm forever inspired by you and your writing and all that you put out in the world, and here I am again, inspired.
Feel you, Jessy! 1)Mh son turned 10 recently and I’m mourning big time. His babyhood is long gone and he’s full tween model, smart and a smart-ass. 2) You are not too old to have another baby, had my one and only at 44, they call it a geriatric pregnancy, but I was healthier than the average 30 yr old. Have a great time in MI !
Ommmgg, 10! I am so not ready. We're up in MI now, and my brother's oldest daughter is now 6, and that is just wild because I still picture her as a tiny baby. Thanks for sharing a bit of your story with me. It's so helpful for me to hear positive stories like this! I think they even called my pregnancy a geriatric pregnancy, and I was only 35! Like can we just not with that term? Other than feeling pretty tired, I feel really healthy. Probably the healthiest I've ever been.
Having my second son was a profound connection beyond this lifetime. I say yes!
We did Portugal (including Lisbon) with our two boys. I’ll send 🔗 . It’s tugging at your soul for a reason…
Do not give up your writing, please.
Your writing is so poignant and powerful and sensitive to those ironic and beautiful moments that one preserves forever in one’s mind like amber.
Kindest regards
Carol Power
This was absolutely beautiful, Jessy. I feel so fortunate to have had an experience of your beautiful thoughts and life here.
It was hard for me to listen to and I cried at one point because my life feels so incredibly opposite of this—the trauma, the flashbacks, the pain is almost all consuming. And do not for one second feel bad writing this beautiful post from the honesty of your life.
This was the third instance where I feel like the universe or God is trying to show me how bad my nervous system is right now and how things aren’t okay. A warning sign. I’ve had my head down trying to survive for so long—I forgot what life could look like outside the dark depths at the bottom of the ocean that I’m in.
Thank you. Thank you. For that reminder. Of hope. Of where life could be. What a gift. And what a powerful message. ❤️🩹