Apr 21Liked by Jessy Easton

"Do you know how to be held or do you only know how to exist in the world as an unheld thing? [...] Is it that you are fragile? Or is it that you like to break things—yourself—because you tell your heart stories about how good things were never meant for you, and what’s the difference?"

Right to the heart of the matter. Taking away some deep thoughts from this one. x

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Apr 18Liked by Jessy Easton

This part got me, and the answers came to me immediately.

When someone holds their open palms out to you do you fill them with your own?

- Yes, but...

Or do you leave them empty because it’s in the emptiness where you’ve grown to feel safe?

- I don't leave them empty, my partner deserves his to be filled with my own.

Do you touch them because they are there or because you want to? Do you know the difference?

- Much of the time, because they are there. I do know the difference.

Have you ever held out your own open hands? Or are you the first to pull away? To close them up and say, love is a dangerous thing. 

- Yes, but I am the first to pull away. Why do I do that when I simultaneously feel so secure?

Do you let the warmth of what’s inside spill from between your fingers or do you still believe that giving yourself away is a loss?

- Giving myself away feels like a loss. I want to spill what's inside, I recognize that want in my mind, but the action doesn't come. A paralysis of sorts.

I've written in your truth or dare entry (I think - I've shared this somewhere) that I shy away from love. Sometimes feel smothered. My partner knows when I need space, but that very space makes me in turn want the love. I can't figure it out. Have I been burned too many times in the past? Am I scarred from the first & biggest love I've had 15 years ago in high school? How? When I am positively sure that I am loved beyond measure. Secure, safe, wanted, accepted. For more than a decade now. How do you crack yourself open? How do you accept and return love with an caged heart? How does a heart become uncaged? I believe that guilt is a pointless feeling, it does no good for one's self or those around them, but I won't deny that this all makes my guilt inside ever-present. I hope to one day look back from the other side of this place of guilt and smile at the naïvety I had and the growth I went through to get to that "other side."


I tend to always comment / share my thoughts that are all about myself. I hope it doesn't seem one-sided. I keep coming back here because it is my safe space for introspection. Like a prompted journal entry (most of my comments here also land in my actual journal). But I would just like to reiterate that I relate deeply to much of what you share, and I'm forever grateful for your authenticity as well as this place I can come to share my unfiltered thoughts. This is a beautiful entry, and I can't wait to read about your main character. Thank you for sharing, as always.

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