What I'm letting go + calling in this year
On Living: And where I've grown + the things I'm proud of
Last year was both beautiful and brutal. I was pushed and challenged and broken until I learned to surrender, to trust, to let go, to love. I abandoned myself, my art, and my dreams multiple times, only to return with acceptance and a renewed passion—not just for my writing, but for my life. Here’s a series of lists that sum up last year for me, along with my top three most-read posts of 2024.
Where I’ve grown and what I’m proud of from last year
Showing up for myself every single day—whether through meditation, walking in nature, red light therapy, or journaling—I committed to it all. I prioritized my wellness and healing above everything else, unblocking countless limiting beliefs and breaking lifelong patterns.
Learning to love myself. I’ve cultivated compassion for my own experience, allowing myself to feel the full spectrum of emotions that come up. I’ve learned to accept and validate the parts of me I spent a lifetime trying to silence.
My connection with my son and the confidant, fully secure way he moves through the world because of the stable love I’ve given him.
Allowing myself to ask for help.
Learning to speak my needs.
Learning to navigate conflict in my marriage without shutting down, moving into flight mode, or blowing up.
Being one of Marrow Magazine’s most read pieces of 2024 for my essay, The Between Space.
Guiding a group of women back home to themselves at a women’s retreat that I hosted with my best friends.
Choosing my partner and our love every single day even when it’s hard.
Writing monthly (sometimes more) for this Substack even when I felt like I had no time or space to devote to my art.
Giving my memoir to one of my favorite authors because her book was the one that inspired me to tell my story in the first place.
Committing to therapy and healing my childhood trauma so that I can show up better for myself and the people I love.
Prioritizing my son in all the ways that I was never prioritized.
Learning to trust that the Universe is going to show up for me.
Giving myself the space to start again.
Holding better boundaries.
Doing the scary thing no matter how big the fear is.
Not rushing—moving at my own pace, my own rhythm.
Being more confident in myself and the value I bring to relationships and experiences.
Saying sorry.
Committing to a three-hour weekly writing workshop for 10 weeks, an experience that both broke me and expanded me at the same time.
Having my piece, We Didn’t Always Live in the Mojave, accepted by a literary journal in less than 24 hours.
Committing to my manifestation practice.
Learning to regulate my nervous system.
Taking aligned action even if I can’t see the whole picture.
Nourishing my friendships
Taking my family to England and Spain and watching my son thrive in new spaces.
Giving myself what I dubbed my inner-child summer.
Allowing myself to settle into the stillness.
My top 3 most-read pieces of 2024
I never really know what readers want to see here. I don’t stick to just one topic because niching down has never been my thing. I’m multi-faceted, with a lot to say about a lot of different things. Life is chaotic and beautiful and brutal—it can’t simply be shoved into one category.
One thing is clear, though: writing about the raw and unfiltered emotions that run through me like a river resonates here. It seems readers appreciate the sometimes cringey vulnerability and the willingness to face the hard truths. Easy enough for me as I’ve never been one to shy away from the messy stuff that makes up a life. And no matter how hard it gets, I seem to always find a sliver of hope, a tiny glimmer of joy, even in the darkest moments.
I cry a lot
We’re up in Michigan, and it’s everything you could ever want summer to be. The days are sun-washed and emerald with lake water, and the pink sunsets last until ten o’clock at night. Then everything turns blue, and the fireflies fill the fields—it's like being in a dream. I cry a lot because everything is so beautiful, but also because I’m sad and scare…
Pieces where I push through my fears and limiting beliefs to follow my little writer dreams and bursts of inspiration seem to resonate deeply. After all, who doesn’t love rooting for someone as they finally get over themselves and do the damn thing they love to do?
You’ll likely see more of these as I attempt—yet again—to finish my novel. A different one this time. How many novels does one have to start before actually finishing one? Maybe this year, we’ll finally find out.
My full-circle moment with Jeannette Walls
I had the privilege of attending a speaking event by Jeannette Walls, one of my literary heroes, and the experience felt like a full-circle moment in my life.
My monthly wrap-ups had the highest email open rates this year. I reread some of them recently to piece together what actually happened this year, asking myself: What was this whole thing about? I’m still not entirely sure. If I had to guess, I’d say it was mostly about surrender, and choosing to do what I love despite the lack of money or time or space. A reminder to not let life rob you of the thing you came here to do.
But anyway, back to the wrap-ups. They’ve been a favorite here, but as I looked through them, I noticed a problem: the vague month-only titles weren’t enough to jog my memory about what they were even about. On top of that, they’re arguably too long, often covering too many topics and experiences all in on go. I think it’s time for a new flow in 2025—a new way to package and share these reflections.
I’ll still do monthly wrap-ups, but maybe they’ll focus solely on what I read, watched, listened to, and my little poetry ramblings in the beginning. All other thoughts and experiences could live in their own standalone pieces. I don’t know, I’m just trying to make things easier to take in, so you can get what you need out of it without having to commit to reading 3k-6k words.
I’m also exploring the idea of sharing my memoir here with my paid subscribers, serializing it one chapter at a time. It’s 56 chapters plus a short prologue, so some weeks would have two chapters. What do you think? Would you be interested in reading it?
It feels like the right time to let it go, to put it out into the world. Energetically, I’m hoping this clears space for me to fully receive and commit to a new story, a new book. And if nothing else, at least it won’t be sitting unread in a forgotten folder on my computer.
I’m still working out the logistics, but I’m excited about the idea. Stay tuned for all the details as I get clarity on how I want this to take shape. Anyway, this was my most-read wrap-up from last year.
January
January was watercolor mandarins and sourdough pancakes and catching snowflakes in our mouths. It was calling in the new year with my family, rocking out to Joan Jett records in the living room. It was rising in the blue dawn and finding out the story I want to tell. It was believing in my creativity and realizing that I can make money doing what I love…
I’ll leave you with what I’m letting go of and what I’m calling in for this year.
Things I’m letting go of
Agonizing and worrying about where the money is going to come from
Putting my writing on the back burner for all the things I should do
Falling into a victim mentality when my wounded inner child takes over, instead of allowing my whole, worthy, and authentic present self to lead
Waiting for something bad to happen
Feeling like I don’t belong in literary spaces amongst other writers
Complaining about being tired (Seriously, does anyone know how I can stop feeling so goddamn exhausted all the time?)
Letting other people take me out of my joy
Restlessness
Feeling like work needs to be hard and take a long time to matter or make a difference
Being on my phone in bed
Dread
Being afraid to fully embrace love, fearing it might one day disappear
Having a narrow view of what’s possible for my life
Letting my inner critic talk me out of the things I want to do
Doubting myself
Low energy vibes
The story I tell myself about not having enough time to write
Letting my mind trick me out of joy
Being too busy to notice, to linger, to celebrate
Not speaking my needs
Overcomplicating things
Worrying
Things I’m claiming and calling in
Focus and clarity to actually finish the first draft of my novel
Collaborating on art with my partner again
Publishing more to Substack
Reading before bed
Leading with love and fully accepting it from others without fear of losing it
Better posture
Confidence in my value as a writer
Expansion
Mom friends who are also artists/writers
Intentional thought that expands my realm of possibility
An immersive writing workshop with Trust & Travel
Prioritizing eating more protein
Financial freedom
More dancing
Patience
Zeroing in on my purpose
Telling more stories
Paying attention
A consistent writing practice
Play
Allowing myself to have bad days with no strings attached
Sexy date nights
Responding from a higher place
More travel
Joy as a form of resistance
New experiences
Being open to a greater realm of possibility
Grace
Committing to imperfect action
What are you letting go of and calling in this year? I’d love to know even just one thing (or everything. Tell me everything).