I’m thrilled to host my second AMA. I received so many thoughtful questions during the last one that inspired me to go deeper into things that I needed to understand about myself and others—and life—but had not yet given enough attention (like this piece about relationship deal-breakers).
You can ask me about all the things that are uncomfortable to talk about when it comes to love, motherhood, trauma, writing, identity, or trying to live a meaningful life—nothing is off-limits. It’s the seemingly dark places that I’ve been too afraid to explore that I often find the most healing, the most light. So, ask away. Don’t hold back. I’m here to tell you the truth.
To kick things off, I have a question for you:
What is one thought you have every day but wish you didn’t?
I look forward to hearing your answers and I am so excited that you’re here. I’ve created this Substack in hopes that it will be much more than a newsletter—that it will be a community. Thank you for sharing a piece of your story with me.
Oh, and I have one more question for those who participated in my last AMA: Did you like that some of the questions had deep-dive answers with separate pieces outside the thread, or would you rather I keep it simple and share all of my answers here, all in one place?
"I should give up." I feel like I'm always so close to throwing in the towel. Probably everybody on the outside sees confidence, composure and a sense of direction but in reality I'm constantly exhausted of the struggle, and doubting myself, my talents, and how far I'm willing to go. I feel like a fraud. I feel like I'm reaching for something that I'll never be successful in doing. But why? When will I consider myself successful if not now? How many stories and poems do I have to publish before I'm a successful writer? How many paintings do I need in my portfolio before I can believe I'm a real painter? Is it not enough that I'm PAINTING? That I'm WRITING? When will it feel like I'm not about to fall flat on my face in a puddle of my own shitty creations?
Nov 11, 2022·edited Nov 11, 2022Liked by Jessy Easton
One thought: That someone dear to me will die. I feel like I'm always in a state of bracing myself...anything could happen. I'm lucky enough to have never had anyone very close to me pass away. I mean, I still have both sets of grandparents (however their time is coming soon), but no family members other than my great-grandparents when I was young, no pets, no friends. Only friends' losses that I have experienced empathetically, and even that is difficult. The concept of death is beautiful in it's own way, but it is not something I can comprehend well on an emotional level, and I grieve on the daily over "mundane" (probably a better word for this) things more than the average human it seems. Things like nostalgia for my childhood, old loves, getting off of a medication that has been my vice for the last decade but no longer serves me, aging, some of the freedom and individuality I had before I was married, things that haven't even happened yet. I'm positive that I'm not alone in feeling this way, but still it feels like I am. As a highly emotional person, I don't see myself taking grief very well. No one does, but like I said, always bracing myself. It's scary.
My question to you coming soon :)
And do I like that some of your questions had deep-dive answers with separate pieces outside the thread, or would I you rather you keep it simple and share all of you answers here, all in one place? My answer: I don't care. At all. I just want to read what you write.
Love these! My question would be: How you organize and balance your memories into/with art? I’m trying to reclaim the journaling/writing I used to love until early adulthood but privacy breach traumas made writing unsafe for me. My private journals, saved notes between friends, raw messy fiction I used as a pressure release valve during an abusive childhood all got read and weaponized by both my mother and an ex.
After a year of therapy, I feel the true flutter for the first time in almost 10 years. I think I’m finding my desire to artistically express myself devolving into either *explaining* myself or getting overly dramatic in my retelling because I haven’t rebuilt privacy trust with my writing yet. Trauma tells me someone will read it whether I want them to or not so I better put on a good show! It breaks apart the intimacy of writing at all (for me) and I get frustrated missing the natural flow I used to have.
Hopefully that makes sense! I suppose overall I’m curious if you could share how you pull yourself back into the art when (or if!) you get caught up in the need for someone to know what happened.
Nov 20, 2022·edited Nov 20, 2022Liked by Jessy Easton
My question: how do you divide/assign/manage life responsibilities between you and your husband? In a question below you answered that you handle everything. How do you keep the boat float and not feel resentful?
I know I should come from a place of gratitude that I get to take care of the baby. But there are times that Mothering feels like it outweighs everything. How do you divide and conquer life together without growing resentments for their freedom?
That I chose the wrong person to father my children.
I feel so ungrateful because we could have it so much worse. But I want the absolute world for my boys and he’s so impatient and doesn’t sacrifice everything for them like I do. Maybe I’m expecting too much. Maybe fathers just aren’t mothers and that’s what I’m wishing for, another mother for them to be so obsessed with their happiness like I am.
My question: what are a few, some, or many "classics" that are must-reads for you? Beyond the beach reads, which books must you not go through life without reading?
Ask me anything: Fall edition
YES; loved the deep dives!
As for the thought I have every day:
"I should give up." I feel like I'm always so close to throwing in the towel. Probably everybody on the outside sees confidence, composure and a sense of direction but in reality I'm constantly exhausted of the struggle, and doubting myself, my talents, and how far I'm willing to go. I feel like a fraud. I feel like I'm reaching for something that I'll never be successful in doing. But why? When will I consider myself successful if not now? How many stories and poems do I have to publish before I'm a successful writer? How many paintings do I need in my portfolio before I can believe I'm a real painter? Is it not enough that I'm PAINTING? That I'm WRITING? When will it feel like I'm not about to fall flat on my face in a puddle of my own shitty creations?
One thought: That someone dear to me will die. I feel like I'm always in a state of bracing myself...anything could happen. I'm lucky enough to have never had anyone very close to me pass away. I mean, I still have both sets of grandparents (however their time is coming soon), but no family members other than my great-grandparents when I was young, no pets, no friends. Only friends' losses that I have experienced empathetically, and even that is difficult. The concept of death is beautiful in it's own way, but it is not something I can comprehend well on an emotional level, and I grieve on the daily over "mundane" (probably a better word for this) things more than the average human it seems. Things like nostalgia for my childhood, old loves, getting off of a medication that has been my vice for the last decade but no longer serves me, aging, some of the freedom and individuality I had before I was married, things that haven't even happened yet. I'm positive that I'm not alone in feeling this way, but still it feels like I am. As a highly emotional person, I don't see myself taking grief very well. No one does, but like I said, always bracing myself. It's scary.
My question to you coming soon :)
And do I like that some of your questions had deep-dive answers with separate pieces outside the thread, or would I you rather you keep it simple and share all of you answers here, all in one place? My answer: I don't care. At all. I just want to read what you write.
Love these! My question would be: How you organize and balance your memories into/with art? I’m trying to reclaim the journaling/writing I used to love until early adulthood but privacy breach traumas made writing unsafe for me. My private journals, saved notes between friends, raw messy fiction I used as a pressure release valve during an abusive childhood all got read and weaponized by both my mother and an ex.
After a year of therapy, I feel the true flutter for the first time in almost 10 years. I think I’m finding my desire to artistically express myself devolving into either *explaining* myself or getting overly dramatic in my retelling because I haven’t rebuilt privacy trust with my writing yet. Trauma tells me someone will read it whether I want them to or not so I better put on a good show! It breaks apart the intimacy of writing at all (for me) and I get frustrated missing the natural flow I used to have.
Hopefully that makes sense! I suppose overall I’m curious if you could share how you pull yourself back into the art when (or if!) you get caught up in the need for someone to know what happened.
Daily thought: Am I doing this life right?
My question: how do you divide/assign/manage life responsibilities between you and your husband? In a question below you answered that you handle everything. How do you keep the boat float and not feel resentful?
I know I should come from a place of gratitude that I get to take care of the baby. But there are times that Mothering feels like it outweighs everything. How do you divide and conquer life together without growing resentments for their freedom?
*
Daily thought: I need to lose weight.
That I chose the wrong person to father my children.
I feel so ungrateful because we could have it so much worse. But I want the absolute world for my boys and he’s so impatient and doesn’t sacrifice everything for them like I do. Maybe I’m expecting too much. Maybe fathers just aren’t mothers and that’s what I’m wishing for, another mother for them to be so obsessed with their happiness like I am.
My question: what are a few, some, or many "classics" that are must-reads for you? Beyond the beach reads, which books must you not go through life without reading?