AMA: What keeps your relationship so loving and vibrant?
On Love: We don’t look for what we want to see.
If I had to sum it up in one word, I’d say, acceptance.
Accept yourself. The kind of love we share starts in the heart, in the very depth of ourselves. You have to love yourself first before you can truly pour heart and soul into someone else. Perry and I both know our worth, we respect ourselves, and although we expect a lot out of our existence on this planet and are constantly pushing ourselves, we are kind to our hearts and give grace on the hard days. The relationship we’ve built is rooted in that strong inner love and respect that we have for ourselves. Much like a tree, because our roots are strong, the branches that grow and spread into different parts of our relationship are sturdy and vibrant, and full of life.
Accept each other. We love each other fully, without judgment and conditions, in our most raw forms — the love never wavers because we’ve built a strong foundation. Through the years of our relationship, we’ve seen all the dark places that live in our hearts and mind and we love anyway. Not in spite of, but because of. When you love someone, you don’t only accept the parts you like, you accept the parts you don’t — the parts that are struggling and thrashing. Those are the parts that need you the most. Having someone accept you so fully as you are, even the worst parts of yourself allows you the grace to grow. Instead of coming from a place of defensiveness, you can see where growth is needed. I’ve grown so much through Perry’s unwavering love. Because of his grace, I have the strength to shine a gentle light into those dark parts of myself and brighten up the places I used to try so hard to keep hidden.
We see each other. We listen. We talk. We feel. We don’t look for what we want to see. We see each other as we are. That way we can be what the other one needs. We don’t hide our emotions and struggles from each other. We communicate them so that moods are transparent and understood. So that we can offer an extra limb for strength or stability on the days when our hearts feel weak or overwhelmed.
Support in all things — art, work, struggles, celebrations. Being there to offer that support is vital to the long-standing vibrance of our relationship. Life is hard and it’s important to lift each other up, to be that extra layer of warmth, and to champion each other through every single thing. We communicate our dreams and our goals and push each other to those accomplishments because we know it will not only fulfill the other but fulfill our relationship. We celebrate often, as much as we can, tapping into the child-like mind of play and wonder. We don’t sweat the small stuff, because at the end of everything we know it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we found each other and we don’t want to waste a second of it fighting over trivial things.
Perspective. If I spend even a second thinking about what my life would look like without Perry, I’m overwhelmed with sorrow and am reminded of how grateful I am for his existence, for his love and support, and for what we have together. This leads me to the importance of gratitude.
Gratitude. Being grateful every day, every moment for the one you love will add an unbreakable layer of strength to your relationship. It softens the heart so there is no room for resentment or anger.